I've Been Where You Are.

I've been hopeless. I've been excited but stuck. I've been hopeful but completely unsure of what to do next.

I've felt that unnerving pressure of looking at my life and thinking, “This is it?!”

I've also made devastating mistakes. I've sinned hard. I've made choices stemming from deep hurt because I wasn't living rooted in God's love and truth.

And when I finally desperately wanted to change, I wanted it to happen overnight.

It didn't.

My transformation was slow and gradual. There were habits and sins I was still tied to and simply wasn't ready to give up yet. I knew I wanted something different, but there were parts of my life I was still holding onto. At times, I felt frustrated that transformation wasn't happening fast enough.

Looking back, I can see that the slowness was part of the process.

Everything changed when I stopped trying to master Jesus.

For much of my life, I approached faith like something to understand and get right.

Then I realized:

Jesus isn't a subject to master. He's a relationship to have.

His love isn't something I can earn through my performance. In fact, it can't be earned. It is fully given. And slowly, that truth began changing me.

Instead of trying to behave my way into worth, I began learning to live from a place of already being loved and healing parts of myself that desperately needed His love.

I began seeing myself differently. I began seeing other people differently. I began learning to see both through the eyes of Jesus.

And as my understanding of His love changed, so did my desires, my decisions, my habits and the way I experienced my life.

I realized there was so much more.

Not because life suddenly became perfect. It didn't and I didn’t.

But that feeling of “This is it?” began being replaced by hopeful excitement for the journey ahead.

I found greater optimism. Greater resilience when life didn't go according to plan. A desire to teach, serve and help others. And, most importantly, a growing faith that God has a plan for my life even when I can't see what He's doing.

That's the kind of joy I want other women to experience on this side of eternity.

Not a life without struggle. A life so deeply rooted in Christ that struggle doesn't get the final say.